Self image has always been important to me; It's preoccupied me a lot, made me fashionable, drove me to the gym, into the health food shops and away from carbohydrates, but also towards terrible guilt and depression if I misbehaved diet-wise. I have an 'all the way' attitude towards things, so that when I go on a diet, I will do everything that rhymes with that experience. I will involve myself in that lifestyle and allow that to become part of my identity. Equally, when I allow myself to indulge as a gourmand, I lose myself in that hedonistic experience. I become driven by hunger with the same intensity that drives my gym ambitions. It is very difficult for me to achieve a sense of balance, to practice enjoyment and discipline in equilibrium.
There's also the aspect of my actual body image, which does not fulfill the standard presented by the media and sported by most members of the fashion industry (in which I work). I've always wanted to be slimmer, taller, blonder, fitter, more this, less that, constantly comparing myself to something I wasn't. I have always admired Audrey Hepburn but I can only emulate her grace not her dress size. Here are a few images that inspire me and that honor my self perception.
